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Welcome:

This is my initial foray into the world of blogging. Here, as the title suggests, I'll discuss those things that occupy me mind, body and soul.


Life - My wife, my kids, parents, family and friends. What it means to be from Pittsburgh, and basically the triumphs and travails of a U.S. citizen swept up by the ever blowing winds of change in today's Information Age.


The Universe - From the beauty of a Luna moth in my shrubbery; to the majestic photos from the Hubble Telescope, whose images force us to come face to face both with our insignificance, as well the incredible splendor of the Universe around us; to the physical, philosophical and ethical implications such discoveries as the Higgs-Bosun particle may, and will, have on today's world, as I see it.


and the Pittsburgh Steelers - I'm a product of the Pittsburgh Diaspora, and damn proud of it. The Steelers, and the Rooney family represent the quiet dignity, work ethic, and basic goodness of the people of Pittsburgh, and have done so since 1933. No other organization, in the sports world or otherwise, better represents, honors, and carries forth proudly the basic essence and traditions of the people of its birthplace, than the Pittsburgh Steelers


In no small part, and in no particular order, I dedicate my musings to be found herein to my Wife, my Family, and the People of Pittsburgh, for without all of them, I would not be who I am today. The comments, thoughts and opinions contained herein are solely my own, with all faults or blame laid only at my own feet.


Sunday, August 26, 2012

A Letter to my Son, going to College


Dear R.:
                Words cannot begin to convey how proud of you I am, and how excited I am at this, the beginning of your college career.  You are embarking on one of the most exciting and important periods of your life.  You are truly striking out on your own, to discover new worlds, and new aspects of yourself.  It is with some trepidation that I see you off, for when you return you will no longer be the little boy whose smile brightened my life every single day, over whom I watched protectively, guarding your every movement (whether you realized it or not), controlling your environment while at the same time reveling in sharing with you your discovery of the world around you.


                Instead, you will be returning a young man who has gone out on his own, to create his own future; you will be experiencing the joys and heartaches, the struggles, hard work, temptations and successes you face without me there to protect you.  And because you must face these things alone, for that is what we all must face if we are to grow and mature into our full potential, I leave you with these words:

                Be true to yourself; for you are a kind and decent person.  Listen to your inner voice, let it guide you.  Your parents have taught you the difference between right and wrong, and though the temptations may be great, if you stay true to yourself, you cannot do wrong.  This is the time in your life that YOU define who you are, what you like, don’t like, who you want to be associated with, how you want to be known and remembered.  You have grown up so far with a sense of decency and sensitivity that is highly commendable, and to which others are attracted.  Do not suppress who you are to fit in with others; let your true self shine forth and those worth being with will reciprocate.

                Allow yourself to feel;  do not be afraid to feel and show emotion.  Fear not the reactions nor opinions of those around you, for those who ridicule such do so out of fear.  Allow what moves you, what inspires passion, sadness, or joy, into your heart and express it.  For by giving voice and action to what stirs within you, you set yourself free.  Do not restrain emotion because it “isn’t masculine”, or “cool”; embrace it and in doing so feel the power of life around you.

                Take chances: embrace risk, but do so with knowledge of the consequences and with forethought.  Whether it be skydiving, asking out the hottest, most popular girl, or falling in love, if you don’t risk pain or failure, you will never truly appreciate your successes.  Life is bittersweet, and you will fail at some things, you will be rejected, or not come in first.  But you will also succeed at things, many of them those that you failed at first, you will fall in love, you will come in first.  But only if you take the chance in the first place.

                Be tolerant; accept and embrace differences in those around you.  Venture beyond what is comfortable, beyond “sameness”, for you never know when, from whom, or from where you will discover something new, either about yourself, or something that inspires you.

                NEVER FORGET; that your whole family loves and supports you.  That many miles may separate us, but our thoughts and prayers are with you always; that you are NEVER alone.  Take comfort and strength in this, that you always have home to come back to, that there are many, many people who love you.  With this as your foundation, nothing is impossible.

                I give you these words, my son, not with sadness or sense of loss, but with joy and pride.  As you move forward with your life, I look forward to sharing it with you, and will always treasure the memories of our times past.  Go forth, challenge the world and yourself, and treasure this time of your life.

Love,
Dad

Monday, August 13, 2012

A Father's Angst Part II: The Daughter's Redemption

It took my Daughter only a day to mourn over not getting her transfer application accepted to the 4 year university in Richmond she's been aiming for.

Letter came on Friday; Friday night it was tears, anguish and a sense of abject failure, compounded by the ex-wife's "I told you so's"; by Saturday she was scouring Craig's List for apartment rentals (for the upteenth time) with the idea of moving down there, enrolling in the community college near VCU, and applying again for the Spring 2013 semester.

By Saturday night she texted me, asking me to go with her to check out a place.  And what a place it was; a 2 story walk-up in a VCU department building, right on the edge of campus, and only 10 blocks from the community college.  Not the Taj Mahal by any standards, it was clean, well lit and appeared to be in a safe neighborhood.  She plunked down the security deposit and the pro-rated August rent and suddenly things were looking up again.

My Daughter has a gambler's luck when it comes to making last minute plans work.  She's taking the first load of her possessions down tomorrow, and will be fully moved in by the time classes start on Monday.

All she needs to do now is find a job to have spending money.

What she also needs to do is stop contributing to my receding hair line.  I'll be talking to her about a "Plan B", which will consist of a second, and probably a third choice of schools to apply to transfer to, and not put all her eggs in one basket, nor waiting till the last minute to get things done.

This current situation is the best possible outcome.  Her mother had set a deadline of August for her to get into a 4 year school, or she was kicking her out of the house.  No matter that my Daughter has done everything she could to make it happen; no school, kicked out.  The stress and mental pressure that has put her under is incredible.

My ex-wife has never been to college; she has no concept of the difficulty in getting in, especially when one has sabotaged their high school transcript, and didn't fully apply herself her freshman year like my Daughter did.  All those things are totally my Daughter's fault, but she has been struggling to correct those mistakes ever since.

I'll save describing Medusa (ex-wife, mother of my children) for another post.

This one is just a simple blowing off of pent-up tension, and a huge sigh of relief that my Daughter will be able to escape the incessant torments of Medusa, and at least is once again, taking a step in the right direction.

Friday, August 10, 2012

A Father's Angst

Nothing pains a Father more, than seeing his child suffering the angst and sorrows of mistakes made in the past.

My daughter did not handle her high school career well, nor her first year of college.  Much of that is a direct result of the divorce of her mother and father (of which I accept the lion's share of blame).

She just received word that the school she was hoping to transfer into from community college, has denied her.  She had quit her job, ceased taking classes after the June/Summer semester, and was diligently searching for a place to live in Richmond, on the basis of what she was led to believe was a sufficient transcript post freshman-year.

That the school waited until today, just 13 days from the beginning of classes, to inform her is irritating, to say the least.

What is more disturbing, is the pain and sorrow her realization of her transgressions done 2, 3, 4 years ago are still impacting her today; a bitter "Life" lesson we all must learn. 

The Past is Past, as many would say, such as the counselor to Jesse in "Breaking Bad", "...you have to accept what you did and forgive yourself."  Jesse was incredulous that this man was able to say that, seeing as the counselor's "mistake" in his past was the accidental killing of his own child.  An extreme example, but my Daughter is still young, and to the young, everything is of major import.

And, how many times does one have to forgive themselves for the same past mistake?  And how does one reconcile themselves to the "follies of youth" when they keep coming back to haunt them?

No matter how one reconciles themselves to what they've done, immediately after having done it, it takes a great deal of strength to bear the burden of having to suffer the consequences time and time again, no matter how hard one works to correct the mistakes, and to move forward.

My daughter is both very strong, yet fragile.  Her strength is her primary weakness, for her ability to be self-reliant, self sufficient, impedes her ability to accept help from others, to accept that she can't always do it herself.

My emotions are churning; I can't stand to see my children in pain, whether physical or emotional.  All I can do is help them keep moving forward, but my words of encouragement sound hollow, when she is repeatedly beaten down by her past. 

I love my Daughter with all my heart; my first child.  She will forever be "my little girl";  she is so like me in so many ways (which she doesn't like to hear).  I will stand by her, support her (without creating dependency), be strong for her despite the inner turmoil of emotions roiling inside of me, and hope that by remaining optimistic, confident, that she finds her way through her current disappointment to remaining confident in herself, and continues to pursue the path, no matter how rocky it now appears, towards her future.

Monday, August 6, 2012

Tomlin's Training Camp Speech, via Shakespeare's St. Crispin's Day Speech




Steeler Nation. O that we now had here
Mike Wallace, or but tens of those millions of dollars those men in Washington, Tampa, Detroit or Arizona
That would pay high wages for men who do no work to-day!

Coach Tomlin. What's he that wishes so?
My cousins Steeler Nation? No, my fair cousins;
If we are mark'd to die, we are enow
To do our Pittsburgh City loss; and if to live,
The fewer men, the greater share of honour.


God's will! I pray thee, wish not for one dollar more.
By Jove, I am not covetous for gold,
Nor care I who doth feed upon my cost;
It yearns me not if men my helmets wear;
Such outward things dwell not in my desires.
But if it be a sin to covet honour,
I am the most offending soul alive.


No, faith, my coz, wish not a man nor dollar from those wretched cities.
God's peace! I would not lose so great an honour
As one man more methinks would share from me
For the best hope I have. O, do not wish one more!


Rather proclaim it, Steeler Nation, through my host,
That he which hath no stomach to this fight,
Let Wallace depart; his passport shall be made,
And crowns for convoy put into his purse;
We would not die in that man's company
That fears his fellowship to die with us.


This season is call'd the quest for the Seventh Lombardi.
He that outlives the final day, and comes safe home from New Orleans,
Will stand a tip-toe when this day is nam'd,
And rouse him at the name of Sacred Seventh XLVII.
He that shall live this day, and see old age,
Will yearly on the vigil feast his neighbours,
And say "To-morrow is Sacred Seventh XLVII Day."


Then will he strip his sleeve and show his scars,
And say "These wounds I had on that long ago day"
Old men forget; yet all shall be forgot,
But he'll remember, with advantages,
What feats he did that day.

Then shall our names, familiar in his mouth as household words-
Big Ben, Antonio, Sanders and Redman,
Lewis, Troy, Allen and Spence, Pouncey, DeCastro, Colon and Rainey
Be in their flowing cups freshly rememb'red.


This story shall the good man teach his son;
And the anniversary of the sacred Seventh, XLVII shall ne'er go by,
From this day to the ending of the world,
But we in it shall be remembered-


We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;
For he to-day that sheds his blood with me
Shall be my brother; be he ne'er so vile,
This day shall gentle his condition;


And the gentlemen Wallace where-ever now-a-bed
Shall think to himself accurs'd he were not here,
And hold his manhood cheap whiles any speaks
That fought with us upon Sacred Seventh XLVII's day.

Man returns to Mars (sort of...)

The unmanned Mars exploratory craft Curiosity, landed late Sunday night/Monday morning to begin what could be a two plus year exploration of a crater floor for signs of water, and life.

How ironic is it that previous landings beamed back pictures of a lifeless, desolate planet; a place where (as far as we know) life never began, while Ray Bradbury wrote of Man striving to Mars to escape the threat (and eventually actual) nuclear war which turned the Earth into a lifeless, smoldering cinder?

Bradbury, and before him Burroughs, wrote of martian deserts, but ones that contained life, and a sentient race.  Their stories ignited dreams and fantasies in millions; many of the scientists and engineers who have worked in NASA to develop and launch these probes grew up dreaming of one day traveling to the Red Planet.

Yet, in the same year that we have just achieved an engineering marvel, sending a craft  on an 8 month + journey covering 325 million miles, our shared dream of one day landing a human on Mars is further away than ever.

Though we no longer face the imminent threat of nuclear war, terrorism, and especially bio-terrorism by the hands of a few individuals threatens us more than the Russians or Chinese ever did. And our Space Shuttle fleet has been retired; no more does man travel into space in a re-usable vehicle.

Bradbury would be both thrilled at this latest achievement, yet melancholy at the thought that while we have robots on Mars, the dream of boys digging their toes into the red sands of Mars is further away from reality than ever.


Sunday, August 5, 2012

I was born 10 years too late to enjoy the pinnacle of the muscle car era, never having owned an original Challenger, Barracuda, Road Runner or GTO.  Instead, when I reached driving age, I was stuck with the likes of the K cars, the Pinto, Vega or Gremlin.

I was born 10 years too early, otherwise I might have jumped on the digital tech train, learning code, hacking into systems, making tons of money.  Instead, by the time the first IBM AT 286 became affordable, I was already in grad school getting an MBA and having no idea computers, and their cousins the smartphone, would become so prevalent in every day life, nor be able to perform such wonderful things in this, the Information Age.

I have an MBA in International Business, and a BA in English writing.  The former, to create a career for myself, the latter both to nurture my love of literature, and to be able to effectively communicate via the written word.  While what I learned in grad school helped prepare me in my career, what I gained while learning how to write both improved my career prospects, and taught me the power of the written word.  Twitter and the Social Media have caught a lot of flack for the various drawbacks inherent in them, and the "destruction" of the English language, but at the same time, people are communicating via the written word in numbers the world has never seen before.  Just look at the "Arab Spring" and tell me the ability to reach out, to send word of your struggles, your fears, your hopes, and having people around the world respond to you, isn't the most powerful tool in the world.In no small part, and in no particular order, I dedicate my musings to be found herein to My wife, my Family, and the People of Pittsburgh, for without them, I would not be who I am today.  The comments, thoughts, opinions contained herein are solely my own, with all faults or blame laid only at my own feet.